hais. another week had past. why time passed so fast sia? i really dont like it. well, i think i wan to settle down also canot already. it's too late bah. just now went breakfast, i went to buy soya bean drink. i dont know why my hand keep trembling or shivering or whatever it called. and it's been quite awhile. what's more, it happen right in front of my parents and cousins which cause them worry. ): beside today, some of my friends saw it too the other days. i really scare i'm down with some illness. ): i really dont wan sia. soon, i'm going for a checkup. hais! may god bless me. i really dont wan anything! ):

i think everything is back to one. currently, i got nth to think about and worry about. eh, got two thing ah. one is my family, hope they stay healthy and everything will be fine for us. and second is my study and future. other than this 2, there's nth more i can worry. what i really wan to do and wish to have already completed. after reflecting for the whole night, maybe what joleen told me yesterday is true. i been putting mask on to show everyone that i am strong, i am happy and nth wrong. but everything cant hide from my expression. i been rowdy and noisy recently and totally not myself. i been compromising ppl and lying to myself. the real me, is someone who is easily breakdown, emotional, dont need to put on mask and someone who is really do what he can and not trying to. i think i been embarrassing and making a total fool of myself in front of everyone. i shall stop it and of course, I WILL SHY ONE LA! hais. no matter what it is, i just wan to study hard for my module and move on. and also, i hope i can find back myself. to all friends, THANKS FOR BEING MY PILLAR OF SUPPORTS! (:

this is the wonderful and loving class. all of them is my pillar of supports! THANKS! (: there will be no fun without all of them. every single of them, play a different role.
i treasure them. (: xiaoci, jie jie and bri. short of carol can.
this is all the fun i used to have. i really will miss u guys. ):

how i wish when i wake up from my beautiful dream, i can forget everything.
rawr, i feel so sad la. 5 classmates leaving already and 2 of them is my besties la. hais. they going poly to study. dont know what to say now. i know is good for them lor. but i still feel sad eh. cause bri is the one i talked alot to and i alway tell him my problems randomly or so and he alway be there for me. for zc, she is my sister leh. alway be there for me too and alway tried to help me as well. dont worry, syikin, mel and zoe, three of u also make my day better and make me laugh for no reason. hahaha. well, it going to be memories soon. hope we can really meet up in future eh. hais. today, i give them see my unglam side sia. suppose not to have de la. but end up canot control. sorry to make u all worry eh!

bq had finally put down the heavy stone and going off to enjoy this weekend. going to jie jie & xiao ci's chalet at downtown east. this is my 1st time staying with friends for so many days. haha. normally is go on 2nd day and overnight till next day. this time different lor. i wan to put down everything and enjoy to the fullest. hais. hope i can. i dont know why is hard to forget the past. well, is totally different now. i'm a brand new bq who is totally diff from the past. i've changed. things will never be the same. though there is a disappointment, but i dont regret anything. but i really sorry to those who i have disappoint. well, not the right time to say abt this. i am who i am. dont comment or critise on me. cause u urself are not perfect. NO ONE IN THIS WORLD IS PERFECT. so stop commenting ppl and live who u are can. but i really hope can talk to u again.

finally i had finish up my PM1 project. now left with case study. arghs. why we need to do project for our exam or whatever. today not feeling that well eh. FINALLY BQ IS GOING TO BE SICK. AND IT WAS THE 1st IN 2010!! well, today i did something which was damn disappointing again! hais. like hibri say, dont regret what had done and stuff la. sian sia. i really felt i changed alot. well, dont blame me for that. no matter what, i will just study hard and dont bother what's going around. i know u are happy to see me in this stat! THANKS EH!

seriously is hard to forget. i dont know why i feel that way. no point hiding my thinking. i need to face the facts and face my own thinking or feeling. dont wanna to act strong and hide it. no matter what, i will try to dont bother it and having a wide smile. but of course i will think of the past. hais. dont worry people, i will be fine. it just need time. TIME IS REALLY AN IMPORTANT THINGY! but for me, i need a longer period of time. so kindly bear with it.

i'm so tired after coming back from the yog training. though i need to wake up early, but it's fun la. taught those values that i can put it in when i'm out to work. MEET WHAT THE CUSTOMER NEEDS AND LISTEN TO THEM. hahah. no matter what, we need to serve with a PLEASANT SMILE!! this is what a volunteer need huh. recently been rushing through the project for PM1. everything was so last min can. hate it la. now i need to burn midnight oil to do that. and also stay back late which i dont like lor. but no choice. blessed that i finish the cover page for our sketchbook. other pages will be done when we divide the work. i got no ideas what the blog need to do can. WL~ SIAN LA! weekend BURN!!!!! ): i'm so bored la! well, for the sake of result, i better BUCK UP!

the cover page. outline by me. colour and decor by daph. and the word written by shaz.
the content page done by ME! i know is nice. dont need to say la. haha.
written by me also. OMG! alot of my work can!
soki thinking of this childhood! hahah.

hais. seriously i think the problem really lie on me. i'm not thinking too much. but it's just the fact. i really dont know how to end it. why must i having problem again and again and again. I'M REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY SICK OF IT LA! maybe it true that i'm changed and also i'm irritating. what can i do? ppl always say just solve it. do u think is easy? u ask the person who is involved, the person dont wanna say a single thing and simply just ignoring u. and it also can be this way too, the person just dont wanna do anything when u trying to find out what wrong or trying to be PEACE! is it really that tough to forgive someone or just let the person know what u all thinking about or why are u all ignoring them? ONCE A VICTIM, ALWAY BE A VICTIM. or should say this way, ONCE A TARGET BOARD, ALWAY BE A TARGET BOARD! it's just need 2 hands to clap.

scanning virus for my netbook. i dont know why recently it so laggy and slow. maybe it's time for it to have a eternity rest? well, 11 plus just came back from celebrating mw's 19th birthday with C5. soon i will be 20. ): old le. anyway went to harbour front centre lvl 4 dragon gate restaurant for the dinner buffet. was so full la. cause ate alot. thanks jas's bf for sending me home and i so blur that i dont know how to tell him the direction. sorry for the trouble. ): pictures will be upload when mw tag me in FB. so fun hanging out with them and it's been so long since we all meet up and gather. miss u guys! (: for ur info, girls in C5 already had their partner. only left the guys. well junda, let'S JIA YOU together to find our partner bah or else happy being single!! (:

it's been quite awhile. the trust for u is still the same as in the past. u are the most trusted one, MY FRIEND.
since we are no longer friend, i believe one day we will be friend back.
maybe i'm being too naived for thinking of that or hoping it to happen when i know that wont happen.
YES, i'm being stubborn and i'm waiting for the day.
well people, u may say me stupid, useless or whatever. i just dont wan to have a regret in my life.
yeah, i'm useless, loser, stupid, stubborn, immature, paranoid or whatever...

i need to be strong to fight back. i dont wanna be a effing push over. i just wanna to prove all of u wrong. dont say me evil, mean or whatsoever. what had changed already changed. there no way of turning back. be nice will just appear as a effing push over. so why would i continue to be nice. the nice character i had in the past shall strike off from my personalities. can say me possessive or whatever shit u all wan. i dont effing care la. i only know that i need to be a rough and strong guy.

i'm really lost. i dont know what to say. most friends said i'm changed. changed to worse. maybe i am protective of myself from getting hurt again. but i really dont wish to be and i didnt changed at all. i'm still the old one u all used to know. hais. but i really thanks u guys for telling me that. i dont wish things to get worse. is a new year, but i still...hais. whatever it is, i try not to say out. is better that way.

i'm addicted with the song and the drama. was show on ch U, 7pm. CRUEL TEMPTATION. damn nice la. i'm been listening to it la. SIAO LIAO.

today was a fun and had the most laughters day!! this is the 1st family gathering and laughing day in 2010. had mass family gathering cause today was the 3rd anniversary of my grandma death. den we need to pray cause of the "upgrade" rank of my grandma. so everyone come my house lor. den after that, GAMBLE time. those who play mahjong went for MJ session. those who play blackjack den go for blackjack session. of course i belong to blackjack session la. cause i not so pro in mahjong! ): den after blackjack, i dont know why out of the sudden, my auntie ask me to dig out all those oldies photos of her and also ours. so everyone was looking at our own pic and started to laugh. keep laughing at ourselves lor. and all of us, look at our dad, uncle and aunties oldies day! so funny la. those tight fit pant and all. and those RETRO hair. some still similar to what those guys have now lor. omg! now i know why guys wan to keep hair long! hahah. i saw my dad teenager pic and look like me la. just that he was slimmer and tanner. HAHHA! i'm glad i look like my dad! hahha. there's alot of photo that let all of us admire at. like my aunties, all of them are so pretty and my uncle in law, all are handsome as well. really look like 2 different ppl now. hahah. what an happy event i had BEFORE MY NIGHTMARE FOR TML! ):

happy that she had a new headband! CUTE RIGHT?!
showing off she can stand lor! HAOLIAN~
trying to act cute? but she already cute dont need to act la, CHLOE~ (:
my niece pushing me away. RAWR!
dont siao siao, chloe know how to take emo pic kaes? SHE WIN ME LIAO LOR!

btw, today my auntie told me something, "BECAREFUL OF MAKING FRIENDS, DONT START TO TRUST THEM SO MUCH AND EVERYTHING MIGHT WENT WRONG! dont assume everything will be fine and is for eternity." she proved it with those photo (it was a b'day gift for her to keep and rmb them) she kept in my hse. every photo of her friends, they wrote something for my auntie and when things happen, none of them helped her. that why she is so angry when she see the pic. but i think she still have some fun times with them. (: